Look what I found!

Wowser! I had a friend say she found my blog on the internet and then my son said he had been searching online and saw a blog about him. I was confused because I hadn't written on it for what seemed like forever. After a quick search, it turns out it was there. The last post was in 2011 and this seems like forever ago on so many levels. For myself, 2011 is when everything changed.
My family and I made the trek back "home." Nick and I were both born and raised in Tucson, we both left for college and after a short stay back in Tucson we got out of town. We both had no real desire to live in Tucson. I think for me, Tucson was where I had grown up and needed to spread my wings. For Nick, he had so many bad memories of family issues he couldn't wait to leave. When Nicolas was 4 we left and had no real desire to ever look back.
Then came 2011. Nick was transferred back to Tucson with his company. 9 months later the company downsized and he was caught in that. Before any of that happened we had decided to buy a little photo booth company from Nick's cousin. She had one booth and it was really just going to be a hobby for me. Something to keep me busy on the weekends. Two months after the purchase Nick was laid off. What was going to be a hobby quickly turned into needing to be a full time job and as I usually do I took off with it and never looked back. My son was use to me being involved in everything he did and I now had a two year old little girl who just wanted her Mommy. Nick too was accustomed to me being the one who organized everything for our family. With the purchase of PhotoFunBooth in April of 2011, everything changed.

I don't want to sound unappreciative, at all. The doors were opened for me to really find my independence and boy did I. I began working 7 days a week on promoting my new company. It was a TON of work but I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed having my name known. I wasn't any longer just thought of as, Nick's wife. I was Errin Mendibles and people wanted to hear what I had to say. It was so liberating and freeing.
I loved my husband but I was always, just his wife. Very few people knew my name. We would go to his work parties and they, "all loved my husband. " He traveled out of town at least 3 times a week and sometimes more. he was all consumed with his work and his work was all consumed with him. It isn't a bad thing but I lost myself and that, perhaps, is why everything happened.
I was working 80-90 hour work weeks. Nick quickly became Mr. Mom. He was now the one picking the kids up, cooking and cleaning. He said he didn't mind doing this and I don't think he did. I think what hurt him the most was his pride. He liked working. He liked being the one to provide for his family. In fact he thrived on it. So we had a clashing of our pride. I needed to work again. I wanted to work again. I wanted my own identity and I didn't want it to be associated with his work.
2012 quickly came without much change and then he was offered a job in VA. He moved out there and we were to follow in three months. We Skyped with one another and with the kids. It wasn't the same as seeing him in person but we never fought. It's hard to fight with somebody over 2,000 miles away. Then the unthinkable happened. two days before the movers were coming to pack us all up, his company, abruptly, let him go. Needless to say this company had done the same to 3 previous HR Directors but nonetheless it was a HUGE blow for Nick's ego as well as our families sense of security. Nick came home and we had no idea where we stood.
So we stretched into 2012 and everything began to unravel for the two of us. He didn't want anything to do with PhotoFunBooth and I wanted to only be working. All of a sudden my job was what was keeping us afloat. It was my excuse to be working so much as it had been his excuse for so many years.
I always put on a happy face around the kids but deep down I didn't know if he loved the new me. I just wanted to hear him say how proud he was of me. I always had people telling me what a great job I was doing but the one person I wanted to hear it from wasn't even whispering it to me.
I began to silence my marriage doubts with work. Oh how quickly that turned into a problem. A very big problem. I truly didn't even recognize myself any longer. I was great at hiding my disdain for the realities of my life but my husband and kids saw me every night and knew.
And then in 2014, my business was thriving but my personal life was hanging on by a thread. It was a very tough year.
2015 came and I tried my best to keep my head up. Nobody knew all that had happened to me and I wanted to keep it that way. In July I went off the grid. I went inward and finally broke down and told my Mom and Nick all. There was anger and then a lot of sadness. It was hard to watch the two people I care so much about be so sad but secrets makes sickness.
So in 2016 I rose from the ashes and moving forward. I have decided to not look back. I will not allow anybody take me down. I have no time for negativity or drama. I will continue to work on me as this is a daily process. In the meantime, I am reaching outside of my comfort zone and I continue to know, there's always tomorrow.